mystic wedding #poetry

we were getting married at midnight

waves were washing our naked feet

your face was shaved, my hair smelled almonds

you cried

and tears covered my veiled lips

 

your old grandmother’s cross was nesting on my breast

songs of nightingales resounded in the honeyed water

new pearls were braided on my dress

kisses flowed

and borrowed lace adorned my hips

 

your hands looked for my garter…

 

i woke up…

we were just the poor strangers

who got married and then drank

the scented wine

at the mystic wedding

in the eternal Cana Galilee*

 

the moon rose from the sea…

 

*Cana of Galilee

 

11 thoughts on “mystic wedding #poetry

    1. “tears veiling lips!” Powerful words! The power of dreams! thank you for such a beautiful comment.

       
  1. So beautiful! The description of one person crying and tears landing on the other’s lips perfectly conveys the intimacy of this moment. I also like that even after the speaker wakes up we still get the image of the moon rising from the sea and then the poem just trails off, implying that this moment constantly reoccurs and never really ends.

     
    1. Dear David, I am very grateful for your comment. You are right on the money. However, I feel that the last stanza is no flowing right. It is something wrong with it. If you have time I welcome your critique, and suggestions for improvement. It will help a lot!

       
      1. Hmm. Looking back over the poem, the only thing that really feels off to me is that “the moon rose from the sea…” doesn’t feel connected to the line above it. Since the poem is essentially a list of images and sensations, most lines don’t need an overt transition. Most lines are connected by their shared implied status as part of a list. Even in the last stanza, the lines from “we were” to “Cana Galilee” feel pretty well connected because they feel like one sentence describing the speaker’s reality once they wake up. However, that stanza also feels like it rounds off and finishes the whole poem, making the line about the moon feel a little too separated, as if it were outside the poem. Maybe if there was a way to create a smoother transition between “in the eternal Cana Galilee” and “the moon rose from the sea” it would help.

        Also, I did go back and forth on whether or not the last stanza was changing directions too many times trying to add too much information at once–ie: strangers WHO got married AND THEN drank the wine AT the wedding IN Cana. I hesitated to mention it because I talked myself in and out of this a few times, and because I’m not sure how to fix the problem if there is one. Maybe that’s also what feels off to you?

         
      2. Dear David, thank you so much for your critique, and for taking the time to read again. Yes, this is exactly how it feels to me too. Too much information in the last stanza. It makes it unclear. I guess that is what I meant by “not flowing.” I will have to work on that. On the other hand, I will have to work on the transition too. Thank you again! I am very grateful for your help!

         

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